His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
