Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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