Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
