U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
