Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
