i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
honey bunches of taint.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
as a side note pls kill me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
