You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
