Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
