i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
