We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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