i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
