I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
sex in a hospital.. check
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
