when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
