Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
