**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We need to rekindle our bromance
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
