I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
