My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
