I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
