what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
