true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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