I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
