Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
