I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
