Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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