I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So apparently I’m into choking now
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