Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
