I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
