Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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