Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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