Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
