I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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