And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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