your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
