There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
