I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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