Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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