Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
