I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
