just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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