was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
