If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
