Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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