I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
