Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this boner is exhausting
nutella sex= disaster
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
