after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
