I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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