I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
