Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I supernannyed him into submission
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
