I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
