i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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