If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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