Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
