Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
