That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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