are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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